Paperwork

My agency called today and ALL my paperwork is completed. Finally!!
Knock on wood!!

Meant for Me

* So, I can't show images of my girl until the adoption is final, so this is the closest I can give you at the moment!!

I travel back to Russia very soon for my second trip. There has been so much to do between Act I and Act II. I want to fuss about the paperwork for a second. It is just absolutely crazy. For example...it's not enough that I have been cleared by my city police department and the FBI and Homeland Security...and that I have been fingerprinted by the county and the federal government...no, they now want a letter from my State. Hello, does the MS State Dept have more info than the FBI?? And these documents aren't easy to come by. Not only are they out of the ordinary, but they want them NOW. Also, it's not enough to get a copy of my home deed with a signature and stamp of the county registrar.... they now want a written letter on government letterhead ...no, they want TWO originals with all that.....all during tax season. And those are just two examples of the mounds of paperwork and nearly impossible documentation they want. If it weren't for the help of good friends who know somebody who know somebody who will do what I need, I don't know how I'd get all they want. But I always approached every document with the attitude that my girl is counting on me. She can't do any of this. Heck, she doesn't even know that she's in a bad place. But at the end of MY day, I know that these documents MUST be obtained or the adoption won't go through. So, you make it happen. You go, you talk, you see, you ask, you beg and you get it done....because there is some little soul out there counting on you. Over the past few weeks, I have come to the realization that I am living for someone else now. I've had my fun, my career, my life lived for really only me. I admire women who can do this in their 20s. I must be a late bloomer cause although I've wanted this for a long time, now is the moment that it is truth in being.

I was listening to a Jewel CD the other day. I heard these lines...."you were meant for me, and I was meant for you". I've heard them a thousand times as Jewel is one of my favorite artists. But today they had new meaning.

I often hear people say "we were meant for each other". In the adoption world I hear "God meant this child for us". I believe in God. I believe he knows our path. He knows it before we do. I believe we have free will. I don't think we are puppets in God's world doing everything that he has planned for us. Sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes we pick the wrong path. Sometimes we grab on to something and call it "God's Will" when it probably isn't. Even though He KNOWS what we are going to do, He isn't a puppetmaster. What would be the point in creation really if that were the case?

I'm not a woman who had tried for years and years to have a child to only find out I'm infertile or that my husband has a low sperm count. I could birth a baby.....of course I'm getting older now, so those days are slipping by. Someone asked me once why I didn't just HAVE a baby instead of adopt. I didn't really have an answer. I chalked it up to religion and parent's expectations. But that question has stuck with me for a long, long time. Since I first started an adoption process nearly 5 years ago. All I can say is that it is a path that was once just a weedy, stony trail that is now a well worn path. THIS child stands before me and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was meant for HER. Sure, you can write it off as a chance placement. That the orphanage director matched a child with a dossier of an adoptive parent, but it's much more than that to me. I had the "free will" to decline this child. To side-step the fear. But I was meant for her. I know that. And one day....once all this paperwork and bureaucracy is over, I will know that she was meant for me.....and I couldn't have handled all this in my 20s. That's why the wait....the answer to so many of the "whys" in my life.

I'm meant for her because I can love her, provide for her, feed her, heal her (through the help of doctors, dentists, etc), help her, stand behind her, stand up for her, etc, etc, etc...the list goes on.

This child is mine and I will always be on her side. She was meant for me, and I was meant for her.

Russia Called - Trip #2

Russia Called.

I'm heading back for Trip #2 on February 18th

I'm going to come back home after this trip instead of staying during the 10 day mandatory wait period. Then travel back with my parents around March 9th. After that trip, I will be home with my daughter. God willing.

PS - My daughter already has 12 pairs of shoes. Think she'll be spoiled?

Thumbs Up

I got the THUMBS UP from my girl!!!

I've just returned from trip one and have fallen in love. Trip one was a piece of cake. The plane ride was too long and the play time with my girl was too short. But by the end of the week, papers were signed and she became mine. Now we just need to make it official. I am back home now and waiting for my court date. They told me it would probably be in March, but I won't know for sure until they call me. In the meantime, I have some more paperwork to do and I must finish setting up house. It's mostly done, but now I can buy clothes and diapers and all kinds of fun stuff. It won't be long until she is here. I can't wait. Her second birthday is in June, so I'll be planning a big bash.

There is lots to document, so I'll start with the visit to the orphanage. It was about what I expected, but after I left, I felt scared as hell. I didn't talk the entire ride back to the hotel (2 hour drive). My mind was racing and just trying to wrap my head around everything. I think her state of health scared me alot and just knowing how much work we have ahead of us. And the fear of the unknown. What problems does/will she really have. How much will be erased with some good lovin and some good cookin? What long term problems will she have from poor then no parental care, from the institutional living, from neglect, from abuse?

The orphanage itself was old, but clean. The caregivers seemed nice enough, but I didn't get the picture she or any of the kids were getting much one on one attention. In reality, their basic needs are met and not much more than that. There has been no rocking to sleep, noone singing to her or reading to her, noone helping her learn to walk and talk. She is not talking and not walking. She is very tiny. Way smaller than she should be for her age. The malnutrition is very obvious. I think they feed them what they can, but the village she lives in is very poor and I doubt they get much government help beyond the bare essentials.

In spite of all this, she was able to play, laugh, smile, whine and cry and cuddle with me. I was able to calm her down when crying with her caregiver standing right beside me. They were saying "good" in Russian. Indicating with some surprise that she was staying with me and calming down. So, I think she liked me.

She loved the stacking toys, a ball, a plastic tamborine and anything she could chew on or put in her mouth. She seemed to have no interest in dolls or the book I brought. I brought too many toys, I know that. I think she didn't know what to play with for a little while.

Her feet were really ticklish and she laughed alot when I blew on her face. She rubbed her eyes and sucked her thumb when she got tired. She did some of the self-soothing rocking when she was bored or stressed. She loved looking at herself in the mirror. She didn't like to lay down in my arms, but did like to be held....just up where she could see everything. She didn't like my dad at first, but after 2 hours, she finally sat in his lap and stared him down.

It was a really good day, but there were so many health issues that scared me. Talking to the doctor in Russia and listening to my IA doctor at home tell me to ignore stuff and what certain risks were, it was just so scary. So, on the way home while my mind was racing and thinking of all the what ifs, I tried to figure out what would make up my mind for me. So I ran thru lists of things, thought of scenarios of the future, etc. Nothing really seemed to help. Then I had an epiphany. I had my notebook that I was keeping all my notes in. I thought of this great idea and I began to write.

I wrote myself a letter from my daughter. I wrote as if my girl were a cognitive thinking adult who knew the situation she was in and was aware of all the pros and cons of international adoption. Not a "please adopt me" letter, but just an awareness letter that said...Hey P.A.P., I know this is scary, but .............

I'll have to post it here for you. It was a brilliant idea if I do say so myself. I think it should be an exercise all parents do before their baby arrives or before they put their signature on the dotted line. After I wrote it, it was a no-brainer. My mind was made up, come what may. I talked to my dad about it and expressed my concerns and fears and at the same time said I couldn't possibly leave her where she was regardless of her medical issues. So he said...."You came here to do this, so let's do it." I love my dad.

More Later.

Dreaming of pink baby bunnies....

Tonight, I'm sleeping with this little fellow. A pink baby bunny binky!!

A friend gave it to me tonight and said I should sleep with it so it will smell like me.....then leave it at the orphanage for my little girl so that she might recognize my scent. I sure hope I smell good!!

I did some packing tonight. I can't believe I'm leaving for Russia in less than 48 hours. I also can't believe I'm not freaking out. My visas and passports aren't due from Fed Ex until 10:30am Tuesday and I leave...oh....12:30pm on the SAME day. Well, everyone at my agency says this is the norm. I'm excited, a little bit anxious, but mostly peaceful about it. I feel this has been in a divine plan for some time and I just have to be patient and trust it will all work out. And I do. It will all be fine.

Sweet Dreams "A". See ya in a day or so......

Leaving on a jet plane....

I'm off for trip # 1 on Tuesday, January 13th.

Look out Siberia, here I come.

I'm so excited I can't stand it.

Does the paperwork ever end???!!!

OH MY WORD!!

I thought the mounds of paperwork were over. Oh, but was I ever wrong.

This morning, my agency emailed over a list of documents that I have to have for my REGION. I have done all the paperwork or Russia back when I did my dossier. Now the particular region where I'm adopting wants about 27 documents...most in triplicate. And, of coures, notorized and apostilled. Good Gracimous!!

I also have to go back to my doc and get all new blood work and tests cause they want to make sure I haven't contracted Tuberculosis, HIV or Hepititus in the past 6 months or that I'm a drug addict. Snarl!!! Oh well, anything for baby girl.

Going to get to work on that now.