On my mind

I have alot of things on my mind today.

My grandmother passed away a few days ago. We were sad, but happy for her...that she is no longer in pain and is now with my papaw...the love of her life. She was in advanced alzeimer's, so she didn't know any of us, but it's still sad. And today my uncle, who was recently diagnosed with cancer, is having emergency surgery in the morning. A life threatening surgery. He has 3 children, my cousins who I grew up with. It will be devastating if we lose him. He was second in command at NASA until her retired....we're very proud of all his accomplishments in the field of science. So, my family is heading to Florida to be with him during his surgery. And today, a fellow blogger friend, got her referral from Russia and I had a pang of jealousy.....mmmm.....not really jealously, more like my patience is waning. I know girls take double and triple the time.....I'm just ready to get her home. I just kindof had the blues today....there is all this suffering in the world and not so much we can do about it. My child is alive and breathing...and suffering...and bureaucracy and red tape are prolonging her suffering. But, I must wait.

So, I've been thinking alot about parenting too. It is going to be a challenge raising a well-adjusted, happy, appreciative, kind child in the world today. Hard to raise a good sport, a good friend, a good soul. I have seen first hand how a parent's actions are quickly absorbed and integrated into their children.....good and bad. I want to set not just a good example, but a great, fine example. I see lots of good examples around me and alot of bad ones. I want to be a good one.

My Region

My daughter will come from one of these three regions:
1) Krasnoyarsk
2) Yaroslavl
3) Vladimir

She is not in Siberia, which I thought was going to be a possibility. The thought of flying into a Siberian airport in the dead of Russian winter was daunting.
UPDATE - Krasnoyarsk is in Siberia, so did I say daunting? I meant dauntless!!

My agency called today to cover a travel checklist. The cost of travel is ungodly!!!! I have saved about half of what I need and thought that would be plenty. And it looks like I'm about out of time to save. So, I'm going to be doing some fundraising for my travel. My friends are talking about a community garage sale and fish fry. Anyway, I'm stressed now because of the travel costs. I know I can max out credit cards to pay for it and my parents will help, but I have a migraine now.

If my child is in Vladimir, 4 - FOUR - trips are required to Russia. It's a great region though and I won't have a choice unless I take my paperwork out of that region, which I don't want to do. But traveling to Russia four times is freaking me out. Just to give you an idea.

Airfare - $2ooo
Moscow Hotel - $3oo to $5oo per night (at least two nights stay)
In-Region Hotel - $100 - $150 per night

First Trip - 3 to 7 days
Second Trip - 14 days
Third Trip - 14 days
Fourth Trip (if in Vlad) - unknown

There is a 10 day court date period between trip 2 and 3. If I can visit my baby in the orphanage during that wait, I will stay in Russia for those 10 days and not return (combining 2nd and 3rd trips).

So tonight, I'm googling my regions and talking to my friends about organizing fundraisers.

I have a headache.

Points to Ponder

Not much to tell, but my agency called to schedule a time to talk about the Russian Travel Check List. So, that sounds like....something. I think they are just checking on me to make sure I'm not freaking out. I'm not, but alot of parents waiting to adopt are. There are all these yahoo groups and websites dedicated to Russian adoption and they can sometimes stress you out. I've read about some really tragic journeys. So, I just check them out from time to time, but don't get too involved.

Anyway, I've been talking to mother's about raising children, reading lots and lots of books, and speaking with my international adoption pediatrician. Bringing home your newborn child from the hospital and bringing home your newly internationally adopted baby are hardly the same. Parenting institutionalized children is differnt from parenting a baby you've bonded with since they came into this world. Here are some things I've been thinking on:

1) Where will baby sleep when she gets home. It's been suggested that I put the crib in my bedroom or co-sleep with my baby because she will be used to sleeping with lots of people around. Putting her in a room by herself will stress her out. If she wakes in the middle of the night and can't see me, she may think she's been abandoned again.

2) Picking out a stroller isn't as easy as it may seem. I need one that will have my daughter facing me for a while.... because she may be afraid to be pushed first into a world she has never experienced....hotels, airports, restaurants, walks in the park, etc. She needs to see me. They don't make many strollers like that for older babies.

3) My daughter may eat like a linebacker when she gets home. Food is at a premium in orphanages. When internationally adopted children come to their new homes, they may eat everything in sight or they may grab that box of Twinkies in the cabinet and hide it in their cribs or pockets. My docs say to let her hoard or overeat and not stop her.....unless she is making herself sick. Eventually, she will realize that she will be fed on a regular basis.

4) Bouncy seats and walkers are not good ideas because babies are put in these contraptions all day long in orphanages. A friends child who came to her from Korea has permanent marks on her body from being hung in a walker that was too big for her for days on end. My baby will probably be self rocking anyway....no need to encourage this self-soothing. She needs human contact.

Lots and lots to think about........