A Prayer For "A"

Hello....and welcome to my private little blog!!! Muahahaha.

I hope everyone is having a joyful Christmas season.


I've met lots of fellow bloggers who are adopting. Some are in country now visiting their sons and daughters. Some are already home with their little ones. Beautiful.

As you all know, I made the very hard decision to decline a referral I received. It was so difficult and there is a lingering sadness in my heart. After struggling with my decision and reaching out to other people who have adopted internationally, I have found that it's not that uncommon. One contact even suggested that more unhealthy babies are recommended as they are trying to place these children. Most everyone I talked to said they had to decline their first and sometimes their second referral due to severe health issues. One lady said that although it was difficult at the time, being home with her now 11 year old daughter, the first referral has become a vague memory.

I don't want "A" to ever become a vague memory to me. I don't fault this lady or anything, every journey to adoption is unique and personal. I have been struggling with sorrow and guilt about declining my first referral. I had to be realistic about what I could do and how I would be able to care for this child.....being single and running two businesses and having aging parents. She will definitely be better off with a stay-at-home mommy who can give her what I can't.

As I said below, I've been struggling with the "why". Why was "A" brought into my life when we all knew I wasn't the best choice for her? I've prayed for an answer to that question.

Today, a fellow blogger, R, sent me an email. She too had to decline a referral. In her message, she said this....


"I too still wonder why that little girl was brought into our lives, when we both knew she wasn't meant to be ours. My friend suggested that maybe we are simply meant to pray for her...so that is what I do! When I pray for my child(ren), I pray for her too! "


So that is what I am going to do. Instead of praying that God will help me understand why. I will now start praying FOR HER. So, when you say your prayers tonight, would you please say a prayer for "A"? Pray that the perfect family will find her. Pray that she is not left in an orphanage. Pray that she will be healed.


Love and Peace to all this joyous season. "Unto YOU a child is born, and his name is Christ Jesus."

Medvedev visits orphanage

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev enjoys a meal with a child during a visit to an orphanage in Kurgan, Russia, on December 11, 2008.

UPDATE on Going Private

Hi all...on Monday, December 15th, this blog will go private. I've researched how to do it and I have to add your email address if you wish to continue to follow this blog.

If you have a Blogger account, you can continue to view it, but I still need your email address to invite you. I haven't figured out a way to invite you thru your Blogger name.

If you do not have a Blogger account. You can view my blog as a guest for 2 weeks, but after that you will have to be re-invited. You can create a Blogger account (if you don't have one) for free and view the blog also.

Sorry for all the trouble. But, having my hands slapped once makes me realize it is necessary.....and there are things I want to say that I don't want all of God's creatures to read.

If you want to be added, you can leave your email address in the comments section or email me at Lavonne424@gmail.com

I will make the blog public again after my adoption is complete.

Peace and Love,
Lavonne

Going Private

I will be taking this blog private soon. I posted on a Yahoo group that I had received a referral and someone FREAKIN called my agency to complain because I had received a referral before them. They have been waiting longer, but there are more things to consider than how long you've been waiting.

Anyway, I've been "warned" to not post on the internet regarding the adoption, so I'm going go private until my adoption is complete.

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!

Elfin Magic

Ok, I'm out of my funk. I understand and have accepted everything. And that's all I have to say about that.

This wacky video of me and some of my theatre kids makes me laugh out loud.

Purpose

This week has been sad....at times unbearable. I don't want to beat myself up over my decision to decline my referral, but it's very difficult. This process of adopting a child that needs someone to love and care for them should not be so hard and expensive. Someone should do something about the social acceptance in some countries of drinking alcohol while you have a baby inside of you.

I remember watching a documentary about Romanian orphans on 20/20 or some such show. I was a young teenager. I said to myself then that I would adopt a child one day. The first time I looked into adoption was in Romania. Unfortunately, corruption has put a moritorium and a stop to international adoptions out of Romania. Same thing with Guatamala, Vietnam and a slew of other countries where babies are being stolen, women are selling their babies and other corrupt and immoral practices are taking place.

This journey has changed me. It has impacted my life in a way that I'm not even fully aware of yet.

I've been struggling with the fact that I had to decline a referral. It is one of the things I was hoping I would not be faced with. But, I have to take into consideration that I am going to be a single parent. My own parents are in their late 60s and early 70s, my brother is a single parent and I'm running two businesses. I HAVE to make sure I can provide a home and future for the child that comes into my life. It will be unfair to her if I can't care for her and provide for all her needs. I know that.

I have never questioned God and I'm not questioning him now, but I can't wrap my brain around why this child came into my life and I was not able to help her. What am I supposed to learn or gather from this experience and how does it benefit the greater good?

So, this is where my heart is living these days.

Lost Referral

Well, I made THE hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. I declined the referral I received. There are many reasons I won't go into on this blog, but it was a heartwrenching decision. I'm in a deep state of depression today. I know the decision was the best one for me and the child, but it doesn't make it any less difficult. It's hard to understand unless you are actually going through it. So friends, I hope you will understand and continue to pray for me.

God Bless.