Purpose

This week has been sad....at times unbearable. I don't want to beat myself up over my decision to decline my referral, but it's very difficult. This process of adopting a child that needs someone to love and care for them should not be so hard and expensive. Someone should do something about the social acceptance in some countries of drinking alcohol while you have a baby inside of you.

I remember watching a documentary about Romanian orphans on 20/20 or some such show. I was a young teenager. I said to myself then that I would adopt a child one day. The first time I looked into adoption was in Romania. Unfortunately, corruption has put a moritorium and a stop to international adoptions out of Romania. Same thing with Guatamala, Vietnam and a slew of other countries where babies are being stolen, women are selling their babies and other corrupt and immoral practices are taking place.

This journey has changed me. It has impacted my life in a way that I'm not even fully aware of yet.

I've been struggling with the fact that I had to decline a referral. It is one of the things I was hoping I would not be faced with. But, I have to take into consideration that I am going to be a single parent. My own parents are in their late 60s and early 70s, my brother is a single parent and I'm running two businesses. I HAVE to make sure I can provide a home and future for the child that comes into my life. It will be unfair to her if I can't care for her and provide for all her needs. I know that.

I have never questioned God and I'm not questioning him now, but I can't wrap my brain around why this child came into my life and I was not able to help her. What am I supposed to learn or gather from this experience and how does it benefit the greater good?

So, this is where my heart is living these days.